Funny Wedding Vows

Funny Wedding Vows

Funny and Silly Wedding Vows to Make You and Your Guests Laugh

By Nina Callaway, About.com

The hardest part of writing silly wedding vows is making your guests chuckle without making the vows trite, or promising things you can't (or won't) deliver. After all, promising to always put the toilet seat down might sound cute in the moment, but do you really want to have broken your wedding vow that easily? Instead, look for qualities about yourself that are funny or amusing, hobbies, or habits that can be incorporated into your vows.

Here are some examples of funny wedding vows:

I (Name), take you, (Name) to be my lawfully wedded (husband/wife) and chief tennis doubles partner, for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for when we win and the very very rare occasion when we lose. I promise to love, honor, and cherish you, to return your serves and do my best not to foot fault. This I vow to you.

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I (name), take you (name), to be my beloved wife. I promise to love you and be your faithful partner, for better for worse, for richer, for poorer, when the Jets are winning, and when they are losing, in sickness, and in health, and in Jets-induced sickness. I will be true and loyal, and cherish you for all the days of our lives.

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I, (name), take you (name), to be my (wife/husband), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, for even poorer when I've been shopping a lot, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do us part.

And of course, don't forget the Dr. Seuss funny wedding vows!

Wedding Ring Ceremony Vows

Sample Wedding Vows to Say During the Ring Exchange

By Nina Callaway, About.com
It is traditional for a couple to exchange wedding rings after they say their vows. Since these rings are symbols of the marriage, the words said during a ring exchange should reflect the couple's hopes for their marriage. These words may be simply incorporated into the wedding vows, or treated as a separate ritual. Here is some example wording to use during your ring exchange or ring ceremony:

Secular/Non Denominational Vows for the Ring Exchange

I give you this ring as a symbol of my love and faithfulness. As I place it on your finger, I commit my heart and soul to you. I ask you to wear this ring as a reminder of the vows we have spoken today, our wedding day.

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This ring is a token of my love. I marry you with this ring, with all that I have and all that I am

Response:
I will forever wear this ring as a sign of my commitment and the desire of my heart

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I give you this ring to wear with love and joy. As a ring has no end, neither shall my love for you. I choose you to be my (wife / husband) this day and forevermore.

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This ring I give to you as a token of my love and devotion to you. I pledge to you all that I am and all that I will ever be as your (husband/wife). With this ring, I gladly marry you and join my life to yours.

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I give this ring as my gift to you. Wear it and think of me and know that I love you."

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I give you this ring in God's name, as a symbol of all that we have promised and all that we shall share.

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I give you this ring as a visible and constant symbol of my promise to be with you as long as I live.

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I give you this ring as a symbol of my love for you. Let it be a reminder that I am always by your side and that I will always be a faithful partner to you.

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I give you this ring as a symbol of my love, my faith in our strength together, and my covenant to learn and grow with you

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Let this ring be a symbol of my promises to you and a reminder of my devotion to you. I am honored to call you my (wife/husband).

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With this ring, I thee wed, and with it, I bestow upon thee all the treasures of my mind, heart, and hands.

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(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my love. As it encircles your finger, may it remind you always that you are surrounded by my enduring love.

Response: I will wear it gladly. Whenever I look at it, I will remember this joyous day and the vows we've made.

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I have for you a golden ring. The most precious metal symbolizes that your love is the most precious element in my life. The ring has no beginning and no ending, which symbolizes that the love between us will never cease. I place it on your finger as a visible sign of the vows which have made us husband and wife.

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Because this ring is perfectly symmetrical, it signifies the perfection of true love. As I place it on your finger, I give you all that I am and ever hope to be.

Response: Because this ring has no end or beginning, it signifies the continuation of true love. As I place it on your finger, I give you all that I am and ever hope to be.


Religious Vows for the Ring Ceremony

Protestant
I give you this ring as a symbol of my love; and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Episcopalian
(Name), I give you this ring as a symbol of my vow, and with all that I am and all that I have, I honor you, in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.

Jewish
Harey at mekuddeshet li b'taba'at zo k'dat Moshe v'Israel (which means, Behold, thou art consecrated unto me with this ring according to the law of Moses and of Israel).

Presbyterian
This ring I give you, in token and pledge of our constant faith and abiding love.

Roman Catholic
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, take and wear this ring as sign of my love and faithfulness.

Unitarian
With this ring, I wed you, and pledge you my love, now and forever.

Lutheran
I give you this ring as a sign of my love and faithfulness. Receive this ring as a token of wedded love and faith.

Methodist
I give you this ring as a sign of my vow, and with all that I am, and all that I have; I honor you in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit. Amen.

Baptist
With this ring I thee wed, and all my worldly goods I thee endow. In sickness and in health, in poverty or in wealth, till death do us part.

Quaker
No traditional exchange of rings

Muslim
Rings are traditionally exchanged during the mangni, a betrothal ceremony, but not during the wedding itself.

Hindu
Traditions vary, particularly within different regions of India. Most Hindus exchange a necklace called a thaali or thirumangalyam in Southern India or called a mangalsutra in Northern India. You might say: "Praying the Almighty that I be blessed with a long life, I tie this knot around your neck. Oh! Sowbhagyavati, may Providence bestow on you a fulfilling life of a 'Sumangali' for a hundred years to come!"

Funny Wedding Vows Inspired by Dr. Seuss

Funny Wedding Vows
Wedding Vows Inspired by Dr. Seuss
From Marty Blase, for About.com

If you're getting married and you want to share your humorous side, you might consider using some funny wedding vows. For example, perhaps you could use the traditional vows, but include a line such as "I promise to always make your "favorite banana milkshake," or "I vow to split the difference on the thermostat," as Brad Pitt and Jennifer Aniston did when they married. Or, if you really want to make your guests laugh, consider writing a complete set of funny wedding vows, such as these inspired by Dr. Seuss.

Marty Blase, the author of these vows, writes: "My fiancee and I agreed a long time ago that we wanted to write our own wedding vows, and as a spur-of-the-moment idea, I suggested the following. To my disappointment, she didn't quite go for it..."

Pastor: Will you answer me right now These questions, as your wedding vow?

Groom: Yes, I will answer right now Your questions as my wedding vow.

Pastor: Will you take her as your wife? Will you love her all your life?

Groom: Yes, I take her as my wife, Yes, I'll love her all my life.

Pastor: Will you have, and also hold Just as you have at this time told?

Groom: Yes, I will have, and I will hold,Just as I have at this time told, Yes, I will love her all my life As I now take her as my wife.

Pastor: Will you love through good and bad? Whether you're happy or sad?

Groom: Yes, I'll love through good and bad, Whether we're happy or sad, Yes, I will have and I will holdJust as I have already told, Yes, I will love her all my life,Yes, I will take her as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love her if you're rich? Or if you're poor, and in a ditch?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her if we're rich, And I will love her in a ditch, I'll love her through good times and bad, Whether we are happy or sad, Yes, I will have, and I will hold(I could have sworn this has been told!) I promise to love all my life This woman, as my lawful wife!

Pastor: Will you love her when you're fit,And also when you're feeling sick?

Groom: Yes, I'll love her when we're fit, And when we're hurt, and when we're sick, And I will love her when we're rich And I will love her in a ditch And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold Ten years from now a thousandfold, Yes, I will love for my whole life This lovely woman as my wife!

Pastor: Will you love with all your heart? Will you love till death you part?

Groom: Yes, I'll love with all my heart From now until death do us part, And I will love her when we're rich, And when we're broke and in a ditch, And when we're fit, and when we're sick, (Oh, CAN'T we get this finished quick?) And I will love through good and bad, And I will love when glad or sad, And I will have, and I will hold, And if I might now be so bold, I'll love her my entire life, Yes, I WILL take her as my wife!

Pastor: Then if you'll take her as your wife, And if you'll love her all your life, And if you'll have, and if you'll hold, From now until the stars grow cold, And if you'll love through good and bad,And whether you're happy or sad, And love in sickness, and in health, And when you're poor, and when in wealth, And if you'll love with all your heart, From now until death do you part, Yes, if you'll love her through and through, Please answer with these words:

Pastor and Groom: I DO!

Pastor: You're married now! So kiss the bride, But please, do keep it dignified.

Writing Your Own Wedding Vows in 6 Easy Steps

Personalize Your Wedding Vows
Writing Your Own Wedding Vows in 6 Easy Steps
By Nina Callaway,

Writing your own personalized wedding vows can be a daunting task, but it's not quite as hard as it looks. Here are six easy steps that you can follow to write your own wedding vows.

1. Make sure that everyone is on the same page. Talk to your future spouse and your officiant and make sure everyone is okay with personalized wedding vows. Some religions require that you use the traditional wording, while others will allow you to write your own, as long as you include certain phrases. You'll also want to make sure that your sweetheart also wants to do it. While you're at it, decide together whether you want to write one wedding vow that you will both say, or whether you want to write individually.

2. Answer some simple questions Yep, it's homework time. Sit down in a quiet space with paper and pen and answer these questions. Even if you don't think the answer will end up in your wedding vows, still take the time to write it down. It may help you in the long run. If you encounter writer's block, first try taking a short break. If you're still having trouble, try speaking the answers into a tape recorder, letting the thoughts flow freely.
   

   a. What is the single greatest thing about the person you are going to marry?
   b. When did you know that you were in love/ know that this person was the one youwanted to marry?
   c. What does marriage mean to you? Why do you want to be a married person?
   d. What will change about your relationship once you are married? What will stay the same?
   e. What is your most favorite memory of your partner?
   f. When you were little, did you dream of your wedding day or your future spouse? How does that vision match up (or not) with your sweetheart?

3. Consult the experts Take some time to read through a variety of wedding vows, as well as passages of poetry, love stories, and famous writing about love (these are suggested for wedding readings, but include many quotes you could use in your vows.) Print out your favorites, and highlight passages that especially speak to you.

4. Put it all together Go back to the words you wrote before, and highlight passages that you might want to include in your wedding vows. Now is the time to pare things down – select the very best of all the material you have to work with. Try taking a sentence or two from literature, add a sentence or two from the answers to the above questions, and finish with a vow – a sentence that begins "I promise" or "I vow". For example, you might say: "Mary, as the poet Rilke said, 'This is the miracle that happens every time to those who really love. The more they give, the more they possess.' You are the most generous, loving, unselfish person I know. I fell in love with you the moment I first saw you with your daughter, treating her with such respect and giving her all of you. I feel so fortunate that you have chosen to share your love with me, and that I get to grow old next to you. Mary, today I choose you for my wife. I promise to love you, honor you, care for you, and be faithful to you, from this day forward and for the rest of our lives."

5. If that didn't work Try filling in the blanks in a more simple vow. (Name of your sweetheart), you are my (best friend, one true love, the one I want to spend the rest of my life with, etc.) Today, I take you to be my (wife, husband, lawfully wedded wife or husband, life partner, etc.) I promise you that I will be (faithful, worthy of your trust, worthy of your love, your loving partner, etc.) I vow to (honor you, cherish you, love you, respect you, laugh with you, cry with you, support you in your goals, etc.), (insert here the length of your vow, for example, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, for as long as we both shall live.)

6. Practice, Practice, Practice First, try reading what you've written out loud to a trusted friend or family member. Ideally, this person will be someone who is a good writer, and someone who knows your relationship. They may have good suggestions for you, or the simple act of reading it out loud might help you identify places where you can improve. Once you've worked out a final version, practice reading it on your own, several times to make sure you are comfortable with it. If you can, try to memorize it. But whether or not you memorize well, make sure that you write down your wedding vows on a note card (and give an extra copy to the best man or maid of honor!) so that nerves won't spoil all of your hard work.